Aloha!

Turns out the exam I did turned out not to be hard... that is if I had studied well. The concepts on the exam weren't hard, I just plain didn't memorize certain diagrams. I had kinda given up because I thought there was way too much to go through, but of course, the exam thoroughly ignored certain workbook areas and made itself a lot simpler than I figured it to be. Dammit, I shouldn't have given up trying to memorize the bones! Remember that carpal bones thing? 4% of the exam was on that! Dammit! That could easily be the difference between a B or a B+, and so on.

Ah well, hopefully I learned a lesson. In fact, I have a midterm right away on Friday, followed up by one next Wednesday. Oh joy! But heres where I prove I am capable of learning life lessons and study better for the Wednesday exam. University shouldn't be something that breaks you down, but sometimes it seems like that. I can't allow myself to be mentally broken.

In fact, in the last few UFC's I've watched, perfectly physically capable fighters allow themselves to be beaten because their mental state was unstable. Its absolutely crushing to watch it happen, knowing they trained hard for it, and lose mainly because their head wasn't in it.

The story of a K1 Fighter, Andy Hug.

I'd like to know who was the big bright brilliant scientist who decided we needed to name the 8 carpal bones individually, as opposed to just calling them the 8 carpal bones. Why must I know which is the triquetrum (sp?), pisiform, lunate, capitate, trapezoid, scaphoid, trapezium, and hamate???

Well, hopefully I haven't sabotaged myself for this exam. (=

Yeah, I'm pretty much resigned to just blogging a few thoughts here and there, as opposed to thoroughly thought out blogs and talking about events.

What up?

Haha, I'm so unfocused. I was in the middle of hole punching some notes to put into binder, but that was about 30 minutes ago. I got distracted and stopped doing it. Its amazing to be able to drop and forget something so simple. I really need to sharpen up and actually mentally work. I'm reminded of a Malcom in the Middle episode where Reese just stops thinking. He says, "I'm the world's happiest tool." Wow, things are so much easier when you don't think about anything (silly things... oh like the consequences of your actions/inactions).

I better change that pattern soon hey?

Its funny how many more bathroom breaks, snack breaks, and other such breaks you need and take when you're trying to study...

I've seen ads that say the movie Ong Bak comes out February 11th, but I'm not too sure which theaters it hits. Anyways, who wants to go? More accurately, who wants to offer to drive me?? I'll treat ya to the movie (=

Aloha...

I'm quite glad I didn't post my last blog because after some rereading I realized it wasn't all that readable. Thats not to say this one will be.

Something seems to have been bugging me for a while, and I couldn't pinpoint it. I've been feeling inconsistent for the year, getting emotions all across the board but with no real reason for getting moody. In the few days, I've come to the conclusion its not one major thing bugging me, but a whole host of the little things thats getting to me. There are the obvious big stressors like exams, but its not just exams. Knowing I have to write them sometimes irks me as much as writing them. And its gotten so hard to want to study since my first semester ever. I'm just tired of well... being tired. If nothing big is getting to me, and its just small things... then WTF? Life could be worse.

I'm tired of a lot of the things I do. Like not working hard enough on the things I should be. I'm really tired of doing things half assed. There are way too many things where I just haven't pushed when I know I'd get on someone else's case for not pushing in the very same instance. And I've got to realize working hard does not mean time spent on something. Working intensely as opposed to running the clock does not yield the same result... If I'm only going to spend an hour on something, it better be a damn good hour now.

I've also been wondering about the debate between genetics and environment (and/or your own will I guess). Now, I'm not going to argue which is more important because I've always thought of an analogy one of my more interesting courses had: Which is more important for music? The person, or the instrument? Its hard to tell because when one of them is missing, there is no music at all. Are you going to make choices because you are predisposed to a certain type of personality? Or does being brought up and being in certain demographics affect the way you make decisions too? ( Such as being brought up in a royal family would mean I'm a prince...) However, since I haven't read about a surefire way to predict every individual's choice in every event, I'm sure we have enough free will...

Also, don't you ever wonder what would have happened if you did choice A instead of choice B say 2-3 years ago? Just one little change in your life could potentially alter everything in the upcoming 10 years. For the people that truly say they've lived a life without any regrets, I don't know how they can do that. I know I've looked back and regretted certain actions, maybe wishing I had risked instead of holding back. Perhaps you're just better off not dwelling on them. After all, you never can know if you truly would have been better off on that tangent. Its like poker, don't dwell on the fact that you didn't stay in and win a pot, how are you supposed to know what cards come out next? But yeah... somebody should invent an alternate dimension machine so I can see what happens.

After briefly looking back at the above paragraphs, maybe it seems that theres a lack of control. Right now I'd like to think I'm having an internal outlook where what I do affects things... but do I sound confident that it works that way? I know its what I do that affects my grades, what I put on my resume etc... but I think I am feeling a lack of control somewhere. But where?

One step closer to inner peace? o_O we'll see

Aloha

Hey, does anyone want to play badminton at the pavillion? Like say... Thursday?! I don't have class, and a cool plan would be to badminton it up, then study, then go home. Minus the study part of course.

Oh yeah, thanks to everyone that was able to come out on such short notice on Saturday. Overall it was good, considering me and Larry weren't actually creating a mutual list of invitees. And that the restaurant changed like a half hour in advance (Go Dantes!) Thanks to Team Dev for the cake, Megan for use of her house, Delia for the sweater, everyone who provided rides, and everyone who was able to come out. Wait, I already said that last part already. Meh, I'm sure you had forgotten with that sentence in between.

Anyways, lets check out some funny hockey team logos!

Goto www.nhl.com and vote for the Edmonton Oilers to beat Calgary. I have no idea how it jumped to Calgary beating Edmonton, because before it was like 70-30 in favour of Edm. F*ck the '89 Flames...

Aloha

We'll see where this blog takes me.

Its back to school and my classes are the following: Physiology 210, Health Education, Psyco 233, Occth 106 (communication), and Rehab 250. So far its been 3 days and I haven't done much yet in any of the classes, so I can’t really comment how it has been so far.

I’ve been reading some rants on http://www.outpostnine.com/editorials/ and they are friggin funny! They’re kinda like the rants you envision yourself typing out, except don’t. I don’t necessarily think that way, but I still find it funny. Don’t you ever wonder how universal the concept of the “friend zone” is?

These are things that I’ve done and I wonder if other people do them too:
- When you see a girl, without knowing anything about her, just for about 3 seconds size her up and imagine what you two would look like as a couple.
- When you meet a guy, size him up and see if you could take him in a fight. I think of a strategy for about 3 seconds until I realize I’m being stupid (Besides, I don’t need a strategy, I’m that good).
- When you are talking to someone and you want to bring up a certain topic so you can impress that person. You try to think of ways to bring up that topic so you can brag, but at the same time come off as humble. Then finally you manage to bring it up, it gets an “oh cool”, then the topic gets dropped and forgotten like broccoli on the floor for whatever reason.
- When you don’t feel like talking to someone, but you see them walking toward you. You look away and try to time it so that you give a greeting in passing. Then you look back and totally miss that person. Now you feel like a jerk for not saying hi. Jeez…
- When you don’t know what to do, so you analyze your situation. Now, you look at your first few choices and decide not to take them because of obvious setbacks. However, you’re still looking for a perfect choice (like a perfect move in chess). Eventually you end up reaching a choice, and it turns out to be one of the original choices you rejected, but forgot it sucked because you took so damn long.
- When you have lots of time to arrive somewhere early, but then decide to set it so that you arrive with zero waiting time. Then you get distracted by something sharp or shiny, and arrive late. Good job!

Thats all for now, and if this appears disjointed, its because I didn't reread this and typed it at various points in time. Damn I'm lazy...

Aloha

Blogging sure is hard. I want to blog, but sometimes the things you want to blog don't seem like much of anything. Then, you reflect back on your day and its full of stuff like "Today, I played Mario and Luigi Superstar Saga and collected all 4 pieces of the Bean Star! Now I need to figure out how to cross the water..."

Anyways, I'll start with whats recent. On boxing day our family decided to pick up a new T.V. A Samsung 43' DLP tv! Yay! It also came with a DVD player. We also have a Gamecube system now, the Logitech laser cordless mouse, and some other electronic doo dads. At first we got the TV from Futureshop, but then opted to get the same TV from Costco instead. Originally at Futureshop the TV was purchased and was also supposed to be delivered to our house (syntax here gets a grade of B!). My mom goes in and cancels the purchase, and the salesman who processed the transaction comes out. The way my mom tells it, he comes out and starts asking "Your returning the (undelivered, so technically not returning) TV? How come?!?! Whats wrong? Is somewhere else cheaper??" Then my mom goes, oh no we just want a Sony TV now. In fact, they (me and my dad) are over in that section. So the salesman runs over to where Sony TV section, and my mom runs out of Futureshop. My dad and I were of course in the van ready for the getaway. :S

I still gotta clean the living room up to what I want. Of course, I've been saying this since September.

Apperently on Sunday night(Or Monday..? that was some get together thingy. Well, I didn't know a lot about what was going on anyways, and didn't feel like having to bum a ride off someone.

It seems that there has been a whole bunch of Texas Hold 'em Poker nights lately. I just learned the game, and its fun. Well, at least when you're winning. It's great because you can get a lot of people playing at once. Now I can actually watch the poker games on TV. Sadly, I can see why poker has gained popularity. But one thing I will say about the game is that I will never play it with real money on the line. Plastic chips? That's cool. The stake of losing is to sit and watch everyone else play and twiddle your thumbs, and cry about how you got bluffed out by a pair of 3's. Real money? It is too easy to risk and lose so much. Its a lot of anguish that many people around have to deal with. I wouldn't want to inflict that upon my family and friends.

Its almost 2005, and I'll have to think of some resolutions. First, I'll think of some. Then I'll establish reasonable and realistic (ever do that in an essay? List two words like that that mean the same thing??) plans to attain them.

Or I'll pig out on chips.

2005!!

Dec. 19, 2004

Aloha

It seems so weird to be finished all my exams. There were times when I thought I had a decent amount of time to do things, and other times when someone just randomly chopped off an hour. Anyone ever notice that writing final exams is like getting sexually assaulted? Especially since everyone keeps saying “damn it, I sucked ass on that exam”, “that test totally raped me”, or something like “that test was like, totally f**king gay!!” Anyways, exams are over and I know there is no use in thinking about it anymore but it is not out of my system yet. I’m too worried about the ramifications of the marks. I’m sure everyone is aware of how monotonous it sounds complaining about anything exam related, but damn it it sucks!!

Anyhoo, its Christmas break. Yeehaw! Tomorrow… well today, but whatever (I started this last night), my family is gonna spend a night at the Fantasyland hotel at WEM. We wanted to go somewhere, but were too lazy to pack and travel. Seriously, that’s a lot of work to end up “relaxing.” You end up traveling how far to sleep in a motel?! Or how much you end up sleeping during travel time. Not to mention that I think my parents (by that, I mean my dad) didn’t to miss any Best Buy deals for boxing day. Of course, it’s a number of factors such as it’s the holiday season and flights are busy like KrAzY. Or driving somewhere in the winter isn’t the same because my dad isn’t at the same capacity to do it anymore.

Wow, Microsoft word keeps correcting what I type.

What has been cheering me up lately is that I keep humming and singing various Christmas carols to myself. The problem is, I don’t remember a lot of the words. For example:

“… then one foggy Christmas Eve, Santa came to say
Rudolph with your nose so bright, won’t you guide my sleight tonight?
Then all the other reindeer… …..??......!??!”

Dammit, I don’t even know if that’s right. Whats next?! For some reason, I don’t want to look it up. I want to remember it. Its in my head somewhere, I know it, I swear!!

Yeah, there isn't much else for me to say. So Happy Holidays!

Aloha

Well I'm going to follow the tradition of everyone else with the blogging before studying thing. Yay. First with good news! I got some Edmonton Road Runners hockey tickets vs. the Hamilton Bulldogs for Dec. 20. We basically sit next to the visitors bench! Normall y these tickets are $39, but the EIG decided to buy all the tickets and resell them for charity at $4 each. The downside is me and Keith don't actually next to each other, we actually sit with one of us a row below and in front of the other (so rows 1 and 2). But they are aisle seats anyways, so its gonna be cool to be sitting up against the glass in a hockey game.

In regards to everyone who's weighed in on the whole exams and what they've done... its my turn! I feel like I've sabotaged myself but all I can do now is study (...err.. in a minute!) and learn from it for the future.

Rawr...

Aloha! Lets try to kickstart this blog off on a positive note. It seems like such a struggle sometimes to have a string of posts that aren't downers.

On the weekend, our family went to dim sum at Good Buddy with my mom's friend. My moms friends name is Francis, and her daughter is Grace. Their family just recently moved here to Edmonton. Yay!! I don't know if they've ever experienced winters before, but come December they are in for a suprise!


Here is a picture of us at our house. Isn't she cute?! Yeah, in she wouldn't smile in any of the pictures. But like all little kids (that aren't yours) her smiles would just melt you. 

Anyways, it is almost December which means finals! As the semester nears an end, I kinda look back at the courses I've taken. By the way, has anyone started studying for finals? It is so not gonna be fun. I was supposed to be catching up this week, but yeah hasn't happened yet. >=( I better change that very soon.

I had intended this blog to be longer, but the rest of what I would say wouldn't flow well. Not that it usually does, but I'm gonna post this now rather than later. (=

So when do we get to say its the holiday season!? Its almost Christmas!!!

Anyways, at the moment I feel pretty rejuvenated. Yay for Project Halo 2! It was a good time, although anytime you got stuck on the small T.V. you just had to fight the urge to complain. After all, its not like most of us brought a TV. Yes, it was a week ago that PH2 happened, but how often does it happen? Major kudos to Ryan for setting this thing up! The days that we can get that many people for events like that are slowly dwindling. It hasn't gotten to that point where back in high school everyone was writing "good luck on the rest of your life and may you reach your dreams etc..." Meaning, we haven't all yet gone completely on our own paths. But it does seem that I only see certain people whenever we have a certain event to hang out. Or if I randomly happen upon someone while taking a bus. Otherwise I wouldn’t be seeing a lot of people.

In other news, motivation has seemingly hit an all time low. I've been hitting emotional ups and downs throughout the week, being angry for a moment, then trying to play X-mas songs on the piano. Anyways, I remember Vic saying during Dev's one acts back in high school how sometimes its just a feeling of the world against you. Thats the bottom line, and its very powerful. Perhaps you should know better, but that doesn't make you feel better. Which leads me to the movie Dodgeball. Vince Vaughn's character is going to skip out on a championship dodgeball game. He's feeling down in the dumps, and is the captain of his team. Rather than turning to his teammates, he takes the easy way out ("You may not know what $50 000 looks like in real life... it sorta looks like this..") and tries to catch a flight at the airport. While there, he meets up with none other than Lance Armstrong who despite facing multiple cancers manages to win the Tour de France a record 6th time in a row! "But hey, I'm sure you've got a good reason to quit."

Yeah, that had a lot more relevance in my head than how it appears. Anyways, bottom line for me is that its okay to feel down in the dumps, everyones been there. Just don't beat yourself up for feeling that way as well. We've got a good network of friends who are definitely willing to be a shoulder to lean on. That itself is a very reassuring thing. Thanks to those that you made that very clear a month ago.

Now to end off on a more positive note. What is your favourite Christmas carol? Mine is Winter Wonderland! If you don't have one, or don't even like Christmas... well I really don't know what to say to that.

"You have lost the lead..."

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe;
To you, from failing hands, we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

- John McCrae

Ahoy shipmates! Yeh' be travelling the dark waters of me blog now...

Another month bites the dust and onto November, the month before Christmas. So what has happened lately? Well, yet again I'm putting off reading for my midterms. Man, I'm so smart. Considering that I did relatively poorly on my last midterm, you'd think I'd just be kicking myself to get moving. Hm... I'm hungry, I should eat some chips.

Yay for Christmas! I'm actually looking forward to it this time. I've actually been feeling like a grinch for the past few years. I didn't really like Christmas past the "I get stuff" before, and I just hated the commercial aspect of it. I think I have changed my tune though. X-Mas should be the season where you don't look forward to it because you get school off, its because its the time of the year you gotta remember whats important. You could argue that it shouldn't take Christmas to do it, but its the one part of the year dedicated to making you feel a spirit of some sort. Treat Christmas right, and you'll have a good time. By the way, Delia and I broke up...

I couldn't really think of another way to put it out or let it be known. Ah well. I do miss her and feel sad, but it seems for a while this was where we were going. At times, I wonder if we should have tried harder or not, but I think this is the best decision for now. We've been a lot friendlier in the times we've talked in a very long time. We did agree though, at the very beginning when we went out, that no matter what, we would at the very least stay friends. I'm happy to say that that has happened. There are no ill feelings (although she's keeping one of my sweaters... :S). Yeah, she does have a part of me for life now, we spent too much time together. For me, it doesn't hurt to look back at our memories, I like to remind myself of our time. She'll always mean a lot to me and I hope she knows that.

Great holiday y'know... *Steals more candy from stash.... and from Keith* One of my faves! (=

An excerpt from Phil Esposito's book "Thunder and Lighting"...

For the rest of my life I would have to satisfy myself by playing in Old-Timers games. The first Old-tmers game I played in was in Stamford, Connecticut, at the Dorothy Hamill Arena. Gordie Howe, Bobby Hull, and I all played. Gordie was fifty-two and Hull forty-two. We were playing against college guys who could skate pretty well, young guys, lawyers and stockbrokers in their twenties and thirties.
I mean, these guys were flying. Gordie and I were sitting on the bench, and Gordie said, "Jesus, these guys can skate."
"I know," I said. "goddamn, they are getting a little too serious."
Gordie said, "Yeah, they are. We've got to talk to them."
Gordie and I went out onto the ice, and I heard him say to one of the young guys, "Hey take it easy son. Slow down. You don't want to embarrass us old guys."
The guy said, "What's the matter, old timer? Can't keep up?"
The puck dropped, and I sent it over to Bobby, and out of the corner of my eye I could see Gordie whacking the guy who had taunted him.
Whack! Smack! Boom! Bang! The guy went down and he started moaning, "Oh Jesus. Oh Jesus."
Gordie said, "Get up, you fucking suck. Get up. I didn't hit you that hard."
I skated over and said, "Gordie, what happened?"
"I speared him in the balls, " Gordie said.
"You're kidding me, "I said.
"No, " Gordie said. "That will slow him down."
Gordie skated over to their bench, and he said "Does anybody else here want to try to embarrass me?" He then repeated the question to drive home the point.
No one said a word.
I said, "Gordie, you are fucking nuts."
"No way they are going to embarrass me," he said. "I won't let them."
I love Gordie. Gordie is one tough son of a bitch.

Aloha!

So why haven't I been blogging lately? I haven't had any exams...

Anyhoo, for the most part, its all quiet on the western front. Just some internal ups and downs that are pretty similar to the other things that have been said in other blogs. Wow, I really have nothing to talk about. I could talk about how the burglary...burger...bur.... some frickin alarm went off at CAB on Saturday. But really, where would the point be in that?

One thing I have been wondering is how much control do we have of our lives? The courses of Sociology and Psychology have gotten me thinking. Lately I've been introduced to how we develop, and I just wonder how different things could be for all of us. At first, its things that are influenced by society. How would differences in the TV shows, or how our parents treated us change us? Again, along the developmental line. Then my line of thought changed into our actions. How would our situation be different had we done certain things differently at certain points?

Is there anything you wished you could go back and change? Or is this question pointless, because none of us can go back in time. If anybody asked me if I in my short 18 years of life had any regrets, I would say yes. I wish I had put myself on the line more. Meaning, I wished I had taken certain risks or more control of a situation. But hey, as much as there were regrets, there were also some good decisions. Heres to hoping the good outnumber the bad.

Why am I up? Well, apperently blogging beats sleeping.

Anyways, I'm going to the Thanksgiving Day football game between the Edmonton Eskimos and the Montreal Alouettes. The Esk's are on a three game losing streak, and facing the best team in the CFL. Hopefully they'll come out like the Grey Cup team that they are. GO ESKS GO!

Edmonton is certainly rich in sports history. I believe that the Eskimos came to fruition because 50, 000 "investors" each invested a dollar to create the football team. That is some really strong community spirit! Anyways, for some reason I've been really able to watch football now.

I've finished my main midterms which were Psych, Sociology, and Biopsychology. Next midterm will be at the 20th, but I shouldn't let up on reading/thinking. About every weekend at least one of the days I will head to the University and just read/study. It seems my marks are usually in the range of 80% to 90%. I'm not sure why I can't push myself to break that 90% barrier. I'll always be in the B --> A- range, not quite cracking an A or A+. I guess it just shows in the exams that extra little time that was taken to THINK about a subject, not just stare at a random diagram. I still have to recieve my midterm marks for Biopsych and Sociology.

Lets see, what else can I complain about. Oh yeah! My willpower! I just don't have the motivation to get out to exercise. Most of the time, I'll just be bored and get Keith to throw the football with me and thats it. But all of a sudden, what? The Apprentice is on?!!? Then I scramble toward the TV. TV has sure made a comeback in my battle to be efficient.

Okay, this is stupid, I'm going to sleep. For the questions, the answer to the first question was fruit loops. The answer to the second question was pushups. Both Larry and Joey get a point. Yay!!

**Chris' third question of the situation** (Yes this is a cheap way to get comments, but also another way to tell stuff to you)

What career am I most thinking of heading into?

a) Pharmacy
b) Business
c) Accounting
d) Occupational Therapy
e) Psychology

By the way, if anyone remembers those 10 question quizzes about themselves, I will never put up a stupid random question like "What color do my stuffed bunnies like to pick out for socks on their left paw?"