Fork in the Road...

If you look back through the history of my blogs, maybe for the year, I had been coming off as ambivalent. At least thats what I think it has been like. General unhappiness? I'm not sure, but a lot of left alone statements never acted on, or forgotten. I kept trying to get kickstarted, but really I just seemed to sputter along. To get to the point, I am going to leave the Occupational Therapy program. I'm going to fail out.

Now, I had blogged earlier about the repeated course. I thought that when that happened, I would get kickstarted to work hard. I did, I studied pretty damn hard for the practical exams that were left. There was a lot of measuring and borrowing of assessments. Frick, I even bought a goniometer. Once the practical exams were over, I was kind of happy and proud to get through it. My response had been a good one, I was going through some adversity, handled it, and thought I was going to be better off for it.

Then I went off to work through the course I was repeating. There is not much too it, I fell back into the previous habits of doing the minimum to get it done. Not good, because you don't want any health professional on your case doing only the minimum. It should have been simple enough, but for some reason I was getting drained. The course itself wasn't actually that long and I had plenty of time... Yet near the end I felt stretched for time...

To get back on track, this placement did not go well. I'll summarize why as quick as I can. I knew that I was doing a poor job, but didn't work to correct it. Procastination was occurring, but it was a different kind, because normally you at least feel guilty. I didn't really feel guilty, I was okay with letting it slide. Finally it reached a point where I couldn't come back from it. In the end, I did have a choice. I could have taken a shot, try and get back to a pass. I thought to myself, do I have the attitude, committment, and desire to do this? I thought I asked myself this just a little while ago, and responded well. But this time I thought back to the whole year. Was I happy in this program? Did anything excite? Was I just trying to finish a degree? I have only a year left, and having a degree could have lead to looking at some graduate options... but the choice has been made. I'm out.

Its frightening. Did I make the right choice? What should I have done? Should I have continued? Are there still other doors open for me? I've probably left a bit out for now, but right now I am looking at some career counselling. There are some books to read and fill out, and hopefully this helps me with some decision making. Time is not exactly my friend....

Anyways, thats kind of an update. Next blog will be a quickie, and will potentially introduce you to the our latest and greatest catch phrase.